Do you have a female friend who you want to become more than a friend? While knowing your friend well might seem like an advantage – at least you're not talking to a stranger and asking for a date – it can be difficult to make the transition from friendship to romantic relationship. But it's not impossible. You can ask a friend out without bruising your ego and without ruining your friendship.
Part
1
Asking Your Female Friend Out
1
Wait for the right moment to ask your friend out. It should be when you two are alone and feel comfortable and relaxed. You can slip it into a conversation casually. Suggest playfully that you can be her date for the night and show her what it would be like to date you.
You should ideally ask her out in person, but over the phone is also an acceptable option. Do not ask someone out over e-mail or Facebook.[1]
Ask her when you are alone together. She may feel uncomfortable and embarrassed if her friends are around. That may cause her just to say no, regardless of how she feels.
2
Be presentable when you ask her out. If you ask her out on a date in person, take the time to look nice. You don't need to get decked out in a suit and tie, but you shouldn't ask her out in your gym clothes either. You have a better chance at getting a date if you dress up a little.[2]
Be well groomed and clean. Smell pleasant, but not overly scented.
Additionally, make sure you brush your teeth and floss before you approach her.
3
Be clear that what you want is a date. Whether you propose a trip to the movies or offer to cook her dinner, she might misinterpret your question as just a friendly gesture. Again, make it clear that this is a date.
Try saying something like this: “We should go see a movie together. We could make a date of it!” or “I’d love to take you on a date to the fair this weekend.”
This is clearer than asking her to “hang out.”
She might be worried about your friendship, so tell her that you enjoy being her friend and that you want to stay friends no matter what.
4
Ask her on a study date. Study dates are less uncomfortable and a good excuse to get together, especially if she has been dropping hints about failing a subject or just having trouble in class. There is less pressure for it to be a date date and will give you a chance to spend some alone time together.
5
Make a t-shirt for the occasion. Since you are already friends, she already knows and appreciates your sense of humor. Try making a special t-shirt that says something like “Will you go on a date with me? Yes or No.” It will lighten the mood and make her think about how funny you are and how she already likes spending time with you.[3]
Part
2
Courting Your Female Friend
1
Find out more about her interests. You have a better chance of scoring a date if you're inviting her to an activity or event that you already know she's interested in. This also shows her that you're interested in her as a person.[4]
You already know her well enough to know some of the things she likes. Use this knowledge to your advantage.
2
Give her a personalised gift. Knowing a girl well before becoming romantically involved means being able to give her something you know she’ll love. Let her know how much you pay attention to her and how invested you are by giving her a thoughtful gift that shows her how you feel.
You might choose some of her favourite songs or include one that lets her know how you feel about her. Burn a copy of the playlist on a CD for her or send her a link to it. It's an inexpensive and easy way to let her know that you care.[5]
Some good songs to include might be “Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars, “Your Love is My Drug” by Kesha, or “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz.[6]
3
Don’t comment on her body or physical features. If your female friend doesn’t return your sentiment, it will be harder to come back from this and continue to be friends if she thinks you are always thinking about her sexually. Instead, talk to her about the deeper things you know and love about her.[7]
This is where you have a leg up on other people anyways. You already know things about her because you are friends. Whereas other potential love interests might have to resort to complimenting something physically obvious like her looks, you can bring up things that take time to learn about a person – like how you love that she volunteers at the animal shelter or that she cries when she watches sad movies.
Part
3
Deciding if You Should Risk It
1
Weigh the consequences. Think about all possible outcomes and weigh the pros and cons. You can even make a pros/cons list if it helps you to visualize the situation more completely. Since this girl is your friend, you need to make this decision carefully.[8]
You already know that you get along and that you like her personality. You already know what she likes and how to please her. You’ve likely already met her family (an often intimidating part of dating a new person).
But you also have a lot to lose. You’re not just risking rejection by some girl you just met. You’re also possibly jeopardizing one of the most important people in your life.
Ultimately, the decision is up to you. If you feel like you couldn’t handle it if she rejects you, it might be better to wait and see if things develop naturally on their own. But if you think you will be miserable every day while you are hiding these feelings for her, it might be better to ask her out.
2
Look for signals that she likes you. Learn to read her body language. Is her affection towards you like that of a sibling, or is it potentially romantic? Does she flirt only with you or does she flirt with everybody? Is she interested in another person?
Think about the time of day that she normally hangs out with you. If you usually spend time together during the day (lunches, casual hang out sessions, etc.), she might be less likely to return your feelings. But if you hang out in the evenings or on weekends, that’s a good sign.[9]
3
Think about what will happen if she says no. You might decide that you would be able to continue being friends with her if she is not interested in dating you, but consider what you know about her as a person and whether you think she would feel too awkward moving forward as friends. If she is a naturally shy person, it might be difficult for her to continue being friends.
Part
1
Asking Your Female Friend Out
1
Wait for the right moment to ask your friend out. It should be when you two are alone and feel comfortable and relaxed. You can slip it into a conversation casually. Suggest playfully that you can be her date for the night and show her what it would be like to date you.
You should ideally ask her out in person, but over the phone is also an acceptable option. Do not ask someone out over e-mail or Facebook.[1]
Ask her when you are alone together. She may feel uncomfortable and embarrassed if her friends are around. That may cause her just to say no, regardless of how she feels.
2
Be presentable when you ask her out. If you ask her out on a date in person, take the time to look nice. You don't need to get decked out in a suit and tie, but you shouldn't ask her out in your gym clothes either. You have a better chance at getting a date if you dress up a little.[2]
Be well groomed and clean. Smell pleasant, but not overly scented.
Additionally, make sure you brush your teeth and floss before you approach her.
3
Be clear that what you want is a date. Whether you propose a trip to the movies or offer to cook her dinner, she might misinterpret your question as just a friendly gesture. Again, make it clear that this is a date.
Try saying something like this: “We should go see a movie together. We could make a date of it!” or “I’d love to take you on a date to the fair this weekend.”
This is clearer than asking her to “hang out.”
She might be worried about your friendship, so tell her that you enjoy being her friend and that you want to stay friends no matter what.
4
Ask her on a study date. Study dates are less uncomfortable and a good excuse to get together, especially if she has been dropping hints about failing a subject or just having trouble in class. There is less pressure for it to be a date date and will give you a chance to spend some alone time together.
5
Make a t-shirt for the occasion. Since you are already friends, she already knows and appreciates your sense of humor. Try making a special t-shirt that says something like “Will you go on a date with me? Yes or No.” It will lighten the mood and make her think about how funny you are and how she already likes spending time with you.[3]
Part
2
Courting Your Female Friend
1
Find out more about her interests. You have a better chance of scoring a date if you're inviting her to an activity or event that you already know she's interested in. This also shows her that you're interested in her as a person.[4]
You already know her well enough to know some of the things she likes. Use this knowledge to your advantage.
2
Give her a personalised gift. Knowing a girl well before becoming romantically involved means being able to give her something you know she’ll love. Let her know how much you pay attention to her and how invested you are by giving her a thoughtful gift that shows her how you feel.
You might choose some of her favourite songs or include one that lets her know how you feel about her. Burn a copy of the playlist on a CD for her or send her a link to it. It's an inexpensive and easy way to let her know that you care.[5]
Some good songs to include might be “Just the Way You Are” by Bruno Mars, “Your Love is My Drug” by Kesha, or “I’m Yours” by Jason Mraz.[6]
3
Don’t comment on her body or physical features. If your female friend doesn’t return your sentiment, it will be harder to come back from this and continue to be friends if she thinks you are always thinking about her sexually. Instead, talk to her about the deeper things you know and love about her.[7]
This is where you have a leg up on other people anyways. You already know things about her because you are friends. Whereas other potential love interests might have to resort to complimenting something physically obvious like her looks, you can bring up things that take time to learn about a person – like how you love that she volunteers at the animal shelter or that she cries when she watches sad movies.
Part
3
Deciding if You Should Risk It
1
Weigh the consequences. Think about all possible outcomes and weigh the pros and cons. You can even make a pros/cons list if it helps you to visualize the situation more completely. Since this girl is your friend, you need to make this decision carefully.[8]
You already know that you get along and that you like her personality. You already know what she likes and how to please her. You’ve likely already met her family (an often intimidating part of dating a new person).
But you also have a lot to lose. You’re not just risking rejection by some girl you just met. You’re also possibly jeopardizing one of the most important people in your life.
Ultimately, the decision is up to you. If you feel like you couldn’t handle it if she rejects you, it might be better to wait and see if things develop naturally on their own. But if you think you will be miserable every day while you are hiding these feelings for her, it might be better to ask her out.
2
Look for signals that she likes you. Learn to read her body language. Is her affection towards you like that of a sibling, or is it potentially romantic? Does she flirt only with you or does she flirt with everybody? Is she interested in another person?
Think about the time of day that she normally hangs out with you. If you usually spend time together during the day (lunches, casual hang out sessions, etc.), she might be less likely to return your feelings. But if you hang out in the evenings or on weekends, that’s a good sign.[9]
3
Think about what will happen if she says no. You might decide that you would be able to continue being friends with her if she is not interested in dating you, but consider what you know about her as a person and whether you think she would feel too awkward moving forward as friends. If she is a naturally shy person, it might be difficult for her to continue being friends.
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